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There are lots of things that I could talk about in
preparing oneself for marriage, but I am going to hone in on one thing in
particular that I have observed while at college and something that I think is
becoming a trend. That trend has to do with “hanging out” instead of actually dating.
What is the difference between the two? Aren’t they the same thing? I would
have to say that no, they aren’t and they are actually quite different. According
to Dallin H. Oaks, “hanging out consists of numbers of young men and young
women joining together in some group activity… [And] Dating is pairing off to
experience the kind of one-on-one association and temporary commitment that can
lead to marriage in some rare and treasured cases.” I would agree with how he
described this. Hanging out is a lot less personal and easy while dating is
personal and requires a little bit of work. Some of the evidence we have about
dating and some of its benefits for courting at the right time are maturity
among older youth. I think that many people have a hard time accepting
responsibility for someone else. It takes a mature person to be with and care
for someone for the rest of your life.
People are afraid of commitment.
Oaks said this about family commitment in today’s society: “…divorce has been
made legally easy, and childbearing has become unpopular.” He goes on to talk
about these desires only helping Satan’s plan in destroying the Plan of
Happiness (link at the bottom) “Dating involves commitments, if only for a few
hours. Hanging out requires no commitments, at least not for the men if the
women provide the food and shelter.” Oaks’ granddaughter made a good point when
she said a proper date was planned, paid for, and paired off. Many youth gain a
respect for the opposite sex, I think, when you have to plan and prepare
something for someone else. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate ordeal, but just
taking the time to make sure there is something to do is a good characteristic
to have and shows that someone is taking the time to get to know you. I also
think that being paid for also shows an attitude of commitment and chivalry.
No, chivalry is not dead; I love it when my husband or others show respect to
women. Last, being paired off, shows a desire to get to know someone else
personally. I think these types of dating techniques are some that carry into
marriage. A lot of the habits a person forms while dating carries over into
your marriage and something to be aware of. I think the reason the Church
published so many articles about dating in one month is because it was and is a
big issue. I know that when we hear something several times in a relatively
short period of time, it has been on our leader’s hearts and minds and
generally means that it is something our Heavenly Father wants us to improve
upon.
Plan of Happiness:
Dallin H. Oaks
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