Parenting Principles

Establishing high expectations:

1. Setting expectation that hurting others is not acceptable. Name calling falls under that category as well. You praise them when you notice they are playing well with others. Praise goes a long way.

2. This one is for the mother and father. They need to be consistent with their rules. It seems that they run wild when at home, so whenever at someone else’s house they are told what to do. This isn’t going to work, because it hasn’t become a habit for them. Rules need to be enforced every time it arises.

3. They need to know that blatant disobedience isn’t acceptable. Give them options that you are okay with, but let them know that arguing, screaming, and spitting isn’t a way to communicate their needs or wants. Parents need to be firm, but gentle.

4. Use non-verbal actions to communicate positive discipline. Nodding your head when they do something right, winking, or smiling.

Setting clear, age-appropriate limits/rules:

1. Set a rule that there is no running in the house. Use gerunds, such as “walking” to remind them.

2. Don’t let them go more than one block away from your house or whatever seems appropriate for their age. They had a problem with roaming the neighborhood unattended and this can lead to all sorts of accidents.

3. Make sure the rules that you do have are clear to them and clear to you.

4. Let them know that they need to always be respectful to other and to ask for anything that does not belong to them. Help them to understand this by asking questions or making “I” statements instead of “you” ones. This will remind them of the rule and encourage them to do better.

Implementing routines:

1. Establish a bed time that is age appropriate for all ages and then be consistent. If they are having problems with the ones you set, try another time until you find what works. Set a time earlier for them to wake up as well. Structure is so important for kids. 

2. Give them the three options when expecting them to make a decision.

3. The kids need to learn to be responsible for their messes. Make a list that they can understand when it comes to chores and reward them with praise or something small when they complete the things you wanted them too. Having these lists visible is also something that I think would help.

4. Implement a specific time each day that you take them to the park or something outside. It helps them get their energy out and your there supervising. This will also help with betimes.

Providing supervision/monitoring:

1. Knowing the three questions at all times of the children, “where, who, what”. Be watchful and enforce discussing plans before they implement their own.

2. When the children are as young as they are, supervise them, don’t just let them go to the playground unattended. With parents being absent, trouble is bound to happen. It is natural for kids to push the boundaries.

3. Monitor the things they eat. Establish a healthy diet for them. It is okay to every now and then let them have something as a treat or reward for behaving well. By doing this, unhealthy things won’t be such a rarity that they seek it somewhere else (the neighbor’s house).

Redirecting behavior:

1. Instead of the mom giving into tantrums, let her understand that the he child isn’t the first to throw temper tantrums. Don’t cave to screaming. Use gerunds or distract them if needs be, but don’t reward bad behavior. They know if the scream long enough or loud enough, they will get what they want.

2. When children tell you “no”, use humor and say something like, “Where is the parent? Who’s the parent? Laugh and say, “I’m the parent!” Gently remind them that that isn’t appropriate by saying, “respecting”.

3. Smile a lot and give attention to your children. If they know that they always have your attention when they need it, they ask for it a lot less. This would help with the fact that they always want it. This is a sure sign you’re not giving them very much one on one time.

4. Have structured activities that help them to use their imaginations. Use praise to show your interest and never belittle what they create.

Other preventative efforts:

1. When you say, “let’s play nicely”, it can be put into a gerund and would be something like, “sharing” or “remembering”.

2. Control the environment in which you live. Have soft music playing or something that will create a calm and peaceful environment.

3. Use humor or lighthearted phrases to ease some of the tension that sometimes seems apparent in this scenario.

 

Concepts I wanted to remember:

·         Can control the physical environment- explain stressful situations, be aware of emotional environment. Anything that involves change, explain. Helps them adjust. Pay attention to body language and moods/actions. Intervene before trouble begins.

·         Give gentle reminders- helps build confidence and trust.

·         Gerunds- nouns created from a verb and always end in “ing”. These help you seek responses because they are the shortest and simplest, gentle types of reminder.

·         Non-verbal reminders- nodding, eye contact, touching gently. Avoid looking or sounding angry- can result in defiance. Smile.

·         Distract to a positive model- using “I” instead of “you”.

·         Inject humor- should be used often. It’s a way of communication. They are more cooperative when humor is used. Have a balance however. Humor deteriorates tension and builds camaraderie. Need a cheerful attitude. Avoid sarcasm and never belittle. Laugh with, not at.

·         Children have different personalities, so we need to be watchful and parent accordingly. Praise smiling.

·         Use lighthearted phrases if humor isn’t working or you can’t fake it.  Be careful with humor. They can think they are being ridiculed.

·         Offer choices-gives them an opportunity to control a portion of their lives. Make sure all the choices you offer are acceptable to you. Choices need to be offered with sincerity and honesty. Give three choices. Be patient while they decided and give praise when they decide on something.